Thursday 15 January 2009

Interlude VI

Cheeseburger Brown is not available at the moment, but if you would care to leave a message please do so at the sound of the hyperlink. Be sure to include the hour and month of your call.

We understand that there have been storytelling service interruptions in your area, and trained personnel are working to resolve the situation as quickly as possible. We know that when it comes to storytelling, you have a choice, and we appreciate your continued patience.

Patrons who might be experiencing acute symptoms of withdrawl can apply to receive a special coupon redeemable for an additional free story at no extra charge when the stream of free stories resumes. Some conditions may apply in Louisiana and Quebec. See dealer for details.

Once Mr. Brown has settled his outstanding debt with Satan, he will return to full storytelling duties. When asked about the expected duration of this narrative interregnum, Mr. Brown stated only that his "financial-related issues are more complex than I originally thought."

Charitable donations of food, water, liquor and blood may be contributed to the effort by pre-paid courier, with tax receipts for those who qualify being sent out before the start of the next quarter. (O Rh Positive, Canadian Club Rye Whiskey -- do not mix in freight.)

Questioned about new storylines in gestation during this period, Mr. Brown was emphatic. "Are you kidding? I don't have enough brain power left to tie my bloody shoes, let alone come up with new stories. I'm burned out. The other day I was in such an extreme state of mental desertification that I actually watched the television for an hour."

Mr. Brown then fell unconscious on our shoes, eyes rolling up into his head as he mumbled something about being "mad, in a coma, or back in time," and began humming nursery rhymes off-key. A duo of gentlemen in white coats turned up to fetch him, and then returned him to his desk so he could resume work.

Meanwhile, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are continuing their efforts to search the surrounding woods for Mr. Brown's dignity and peace. Tracking dogs have been dispatched, and hot cocoa will be served by the local constabulary for volunteer searchers. Please note: all volunteers are encouraged to supply their own mittens.

On a related note, Mr. Brown seeks to hear from any readers with broadcast experience compositing motion graphics with Adobe After Effects who might be interested in periodic freelance assignments. Portfolio materials can be sent or linked via e-mail to Cheeseburger Brown at Gmail for appraisal.

Thank you for your attention.


Dan said...


Get your house in order. I will wait paiently with nary a bad word to say. And as soon as I can afford it, I will hit your tip jar to hopefully expedite your triumphant return to the Burgerverse.

THE Danimal

Mark said...

Real life sucks lagoon water.

Good luck getting your head above it.

Simon said...

As an O positive carrier and frequent donor, I can make my lifeblood available upon request. Also whiskey. Geography be damned.

Hugs and kisses,

Simon said...

PS -- dignity is overrated. Fo shizzle.

*daemon star. said...

We're all rooting for you darling.

I know that you will make it through and your sweet people will be here waiting for you.

I will fight Satan off, don't worry, you know I'm tough.

Simon said...

Goodness, should we be concerned now that Mrs. Brown is offering up verbal support too?

Perhaps a haiku to ward off the minions of evil:

Cheeseburger Brown is
A skilled purveyor of words,
A mad writer, yo!

Cheeseburger Brown said...

The Mrs. is chiming in because she misses me. I didn't make it home last night. Worked until I was too tired to drive. I was going to sleep on the pool table in the office using a blanket from the car, but then at the last moment my boss sprung for a hotel room.

Feeling quite crusty now, thankyouverymuch.

I love the smell of zombie in the morning.

Cheeseburger Brown

Sash said...

Hmmm....maybe your dignity is off with mine. I'll keep an eye out.

No worries about us - we will wait patiently for as long as you need. :)

Eric said...

Good luck with everything that you have going on CBB. As always, we'll be here when you get back.

SaintPeter said...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. We will be that much more delighted when we once again see your magnificent works grace these pages.

Stay safe, stay sane!

fooburger said...

Good luck with that... this interlude sounds quite frenetic... ahh that dreaded tricky mapping between sanity and financial stability... it's the cart before the horse, or the cart on top of the horse...

Anonymous said...

Man. On one hand, I have family members and friends who are falling left and right to the job cutting frenzy... so congratulations on being so needfully employed.

On the other hand, I hope Astra gets her man back soon. Time to dig the bottom of the Paypal pocketbook again; I'm pretty sure there's something down there somewhere...

Big t said...

I feel you brother! I am on the board of two non profits, act in community theater, play in a band, just got married, own my own small business, work a full time job, and taking online courses to finish my degree and at the end of the day I'm still broke. Overall I am still pretty happy in general.

I look forward to the next story or continuation of TSM. Free stories are all I got. Thanks for the good times. If I get some good money from selling my plasma I'll hit you up in the tip jar ;)

@Mark: Did you ever finish the Twilight Series? 4th book wasn't to bad.

Mark said...

Big t - I just started the third book, which co-workers say is their favorite. There's still a bit too much of the sugary romance stuff for my preferences, but the story is pretty good otherwise.

Big t said...

I thought the third wasn't that great I had to force my self to finish, way to much "why does he love me...blah blah" Fourth wasn't too bad. Over all a good Vampire/Werewolf yarn.

SaintPeter said...

I'll tell ya what - I could really go for a Cheeseburger (Brown) right about now.

Big t said...

I can has cheezburger?

You know we all were thinking it.

Anonymous said...

I love the free stories page on the new site. All the story pictures are nice.

fooburger said...


Anonymous said...

*shuffles feet*

Cheeseburger Brown said...

I'm working on the plot outline. New story to debut shortly.


Anonymous said...


Does this mean you're actually somewhat less obscenely overloaded right now?

Cheeseburger Brown said...

Dear Sheik,

Yeah, I'm alive and recovering. My plate is not yet clear of tasks, but it's getting to the point where I can at least start to think of other things.

The good news: I helped executive three CONCURRENT shows, and all three have been hailed as big successes from the clients. This is a big deal, because the company I work for is currently in a highly predatory mode, scooping up American clients as our competitors south of the border go bankrupt. The fact that the Americans like what we deliver means we're going to get more gigs, which means job security for me because American budgets are 3 to 4 times larger than our largest Canadian shows, and they have many more shows/conferences/meetings per year.

...This is especially good news now, because 90% of my company just had their benefits indefinitely suspended and have been forced to a four day work week (with the associated 20% pay cut). Not to put too fine a point on it: THAT'S EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE DAMN COMPANY EXCEPT MY DEPARTMENT.

Why? Because we're profitable. So long as we can stay profitable, I can hopefully avoid the fate of most of the rest of the people in the building (many of whom will probably be laid off come the end of our fiscal year in summer).

To hedge my bets, I've also been moonlighting. This is what really killed all my free time. I'm doing work for a local museum, creating 3D digital models of some artifacts in their permanent collection which visitors will interact with electronically (using various tools and techniques to "restore" the artifacts). This is fun work, but intensely labour-intensive.

So now my day job returns to somewhat normal, and the moonlighting is proceeding according to schedule...which means I get to start daydreaming about robots and spaceships again. Which is high time, because I don't think I could go much longer. So many times I've been tempted to shirk my responsibilities in order to do some writing, but each time pressure and anxiety has forced me back to the grindstone, instead.

But today I just penned the outline to the next story, and I'm starting to get excited about it. I'm going to hash out the details during my drive home tonight, and if all goes well I may be able to start on the first chapter in the next couple of days.

Wish me luck!

Cheeseburger Brown

Simon said...

Thanks for the update, Mr. Brown. Seconding American clients is good, as is evading the 20% hit applied to the rest of the company.

My department trimmed staff last month, and I'm still around - which is good - but the rest of the company is going to be laying off probably dozens over the next month or so. In addition to many already gone. Bad times.

While the return to some semblance of normalcy is good, so is job security and a burgeoning ability to dream about row-boats yet again.

Is The Secret Mathematic on indefinite hiatus for the nonce? It will still be quite nice to see how Team Mississauga fares in their daring derring-do en route to Event Zero.

Cheeseburger Brown said...


TSM will resume and conclude. Not next, however. But before too long.


Anonymous said...

Ooh, this is exciting! Especially the part where you get to keep your job at full pay! Also the part where you write more stories!

Obviously, the Dr. McNinja team has managed to hack my sentence structure.

But wooyay for the return of Cheeseburger Brown!

fooburger said...


Congrats on not being axed... these days that's a huge achievement.. :)
I'll be writing too... but not so fun.. dissertation time.

Will be nice to have another periodical escape when yer writing is back on line... a couple days eh?
I'm hoping!

Good luck!

Mark said...

Glad you've avoided direct repercussions of these sad economic times.

Our company has not laid off anybody and says it doesn't plan to (what company would admit it if it did?). But, they did ask us to take two days of unpaid vacation between December 1, 2008 and March 31, 2009. On a voluntary basis, of course. The total taken so far is 3800 hours and counting. I guess I should make it 3816.

Anonymous said...

sounds like you need a triple cheeser with bacon and a beer. can't wait for your triumphant return. i have type o blood if necessary to expedite process.

Eric said...

Glad to see that you've made it over the hump and are proceeding downhill CBB.

SaintPeter said...

For those of you who don't follow CBB on Husi:
It came from Beyond!

Entertaining, as always.

Teddy said...

"If you made some metal hot enough, could you make metal-steam?"

That is...disturbingly perceptive. Mostly because that implies she connected metal with ice (which is hard, but doable), and ice with water and steam. I imagine this was shortly after she found that metal could be melted?


Mark said...

Happy Birthday, a bit belated.

Simon said...

Hey, I'm really digging on the new title banner and font and stuff. Fitting, says I.

(Assuming I haven't already mentioned something similar in the past, and I just don't remember having done so.)

Also, happy belated birthday, and good luck with the demolition of the writer's block thing.

Hugs and kisses,