Wednesday, 1 April 2009

All Roborotica, All the Time

First off, I'd like to apologize for the recent slow down in storytelling output from me. While historically such slow downs have been due to other pressures in my life (work, family, and so on), the cause of this most recent lull has been time I've taken to do a lot of soul searching.

Having given the matter considerable thought, I would like to announce that this blog and my stories will be changing focus from now forward. Henceforth, I will exclusively be telling stories in the genre of robot erotica.

I know this might be disappointing to some of you, but I feel obliged to follow my heart. For too long I have denied the essential truth to myself that I am wasting my time writing pulp science-fiction when what I really want to spend my life working at is tales of surrogate-human love and lust.

If you feel this might exclude your interests, put your worries aside: my approach will be very broad, including both kinds of roborotica so that nobody feels left out. (For neophytes, that includes AC and DC.)

Some of you no doubt are wondering how this will impact the wrap-up of The Secret Mathematic. Sadly, I will not be penning the finish of that particular tale, as it would detract from my new focus. In the interest of giving you, the reader, satisfaction I will now summarize the exciting climax in a concise paragraph. I wouldn't, after all, want to leave anyone hanging.

Basically, Dr. Zoran continues to be taunted by the image of his dead sister within his mind, Dragana, until she reveals to him the existence of a handful of "long people" whose biology has been augmented by technology granting them an extended lifespan. Zoran decides the only way to keep the math safe is to destroy these mysterious individuals, whom he then sets out to identify with the help of Mr. Mississauga and his ragtag fleet of followers in various vehicles driven across the Quebecois hinterland to Zoran's compound. Ultimately, it turns out the final five "long" cyborgs are members of Mississauga's team -- but Zoran hesitates to strike them down when he learns that they alone know the way across the atemporal hyperspace bridge to the legendary futureworld of Callicrates. Once there, a clone of Zoran is sent back in history by Tim in order to keep the timeline intact by impregnating Sarah Connor; and then the original Zoran forsakes mathematics and goes to live as a hermit on a small island largely populated by rabbits. In the end it turns out that Dragana is magic, and that their collective destinies have been designed and steered by a pan-dimensional galaxy-girdling intelligent cloud living at the end of time known only as Name.

I hope that was worth the wait.

Next week: The Dual Screwing of Unit 52-Epsilon. Don't miss it!


22 comments:

EMHMark3 said...

So say we all.

Teddy said...

Happy April Fools Day to you too.

What, you thought I wouldn't guess at that? I like how TSM turned into Battlestar: Galactica and STILL managed to wrap everything up.

TRH

Simon said...

Finally!

The only thing I didn't like about the finale was your use of the word "impact" as a verb. It's always bugged me... other than when used to describe what proton torpedoes do to thermal exhaust ports after fired from an X-wing Fighter. But that's the ONLY exception.

I can't for the first tale to be released!! Robo-tail, baby!!

Anonymous said...

Sandy is an angel!

john said...

Dragana? Hey, when I lived in Senegal, I used to get my mail in a town called Dagana!

What a small world.

Be sure to talk to Cecelia Tan and Charlie Anders and Analee Newitz about your new focus. They're all over that robot erotica shit.

Orick of Toronto said...

AC AND DC! priceless.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed seeing the words "Zoran" and "Mississauga" and "Tim". It will be cause for rejoicing when we get back to all that someday.

Mark said...

Nicely joked.

Ephemera Bound should love it!

Astra said...

I thought I had mentioned that you should keep our private matters private? Now everyone is going to want their own robot sex slave!

Sheik Yerbouti said...

Sooo, now he's writing from experience?

Happy AFD, CBB.

Bridget said...

EMHMark beat me to it, drat.

So say we all!

Big t said...

Will you still be doing illustrations for the stories? Please say yes.

Stephen Hamilton said...

Hahahaha! You really had me going there CBB. I should've realised it was April Fools Day...

Mandrill said...

Hee Hee Hee. :D

Smiley K said...

Nicely done!

I also like the pun at the end involving the screwing of unit 52.

SaintPeter said...

If we've learned anything from TV, it's DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ROBOTS. Luckily, CBB seems to be avoiding that pitfall by going with robot on robot action.

I, for one, welcome out new sexy robot overlords.

Nick said...

That was the most heart breaking prank I've heard all day. Even more so than when my drawing/color theory instructor mentioned that sketches were due tonight, instead of next week.


Yikes. Happy April First :D

gl. said...

mark: "Ephemera Bound should love it!"

ha! if cheeseburger had told us ephemera bound had apologized, corrected its mistakes and was now truly promoting SOS, THAT would have been a good april fool. :)

Sheik Yerbouti said...

Nick: at least you have some interesting subject matter now.

fooburger said...

Hah.. I'm in self-imposed exile from all remotely dynamic web content until I finish my dissertation. Fortunately my wife was willing to check up on the site and the Committee for the Promotion of Fooburger's Dissertation ruled unanimously that this posting was an exception.

What's the best thing about roborotica? You can reuse all the *lube* jokes!

Thanks for the laugh!

Cheeseburger Brown said...

Mm'mmm...dissert.

al said...

Europe has the Fatherland.
Africa has the Motherland.

and now

North America has the Hinterland

What a wonderful world!